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Federal Agency of Culture and Cinematography

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Pilot
big animation studio

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Present

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We live in Russia

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The coat of arms of Russia is the two headed eagle,

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mighty and proud.

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In its centre is St. George, slaying
a wicked dragon with his silver lance.

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The flag of Russia has three colors:
white, blue and red.

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The capital of our homeland is Moscow

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In the center of Moscow is the old Kremlin.

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For centuries, the Kremlin has been
home to great princes and tsars -

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the rulers of Russia.

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Their ancestor, the Great Prince
Yaroslav the Wise,

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is the namesake of the ancient
Russian city of Yaroslavl.

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The city's coat of arms shows the bear
that Prince Yaroslav was said to have fought.

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This city is also where, almost 300 years
ago, the famous actor Fyodor Volkov

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founded the very first Russian theater.

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Yaroslavlians make marvelous glazed tiles

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that decorate churches and homes.

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Here the people made colored woodcuts

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featuring amusing stories told
with pictures.

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And of course, here one can hear
many amusing stories.

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Each of them is like a precious gem.

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Mountain of Gems

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About Ivan the Fool
(based on a Russian fairy tale)

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There once were three brothers

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Two were okay, but the third was
Ivan the fool.

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He did everything wrong.

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Just look: rather than
put the goat out to pasture,

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he taught her to dance!

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See how skinny she is,
like a ballerina!

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The brothers lived with no troubles,
until one day they ran out of money.

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So the brothers decided to sell the goat.

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What's the use of her anyway?
No milk, no meat!

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- Ivan!
- Ivan! Ivan!

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So they sent the fool to the fair.

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Ivan didn't want to part with the goat,
but there was nothing for it!

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So Ivan was walking through
the woods and he heard...

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...something squeaking

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It was an old fir tree.
The wind would blow and it would squeak.

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"Why's the tree squeaking?"
thought the fool,

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"maybe it's bargaining for my goat??"

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Well, if you want to buy, then buy!
I don't mind selling it! The goat... 

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...costs 200 rubles!
Not a ruble less!

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- Get out your money!

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But the fir tree just kept squeaking.

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So the fool assumed that
it wanted to pay later.

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OK! I'll wait till tomorrow!

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He tied the goat to the tree, said
his goodbyes and went home.

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- Well, did you sell the goat?
- I did!

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- For a good price?

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- For... ouch!...

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200 rubles!

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- No way!
- Show us the money, then!

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I didn't get it yet, I was
told to come tomorrow...

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Oh, you simpleton!

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And who did you sell her to?

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To a fir tree in the forest.
Why?

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Hahahah! What a fool you are!!!

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A tree doesn't know how to pay!

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But there was a hollow in that tree.

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And in that hollow... robbers
hid their gold!...

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Who ever heard of selling
a goat to a tree?!

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It never has any money!

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Look here, fool...

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Go back and don't return without the goat!

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Hey, fir tree!

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Either you give me the money,
or give me the goat back!

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I can't wait till tomorrow!

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So! You're all talk and no action...

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Am I gonna get anything from you?!

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I don't joke around!

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There you go, that's much better!
No more of this "tomorrow" business!

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Ah! Fool, where did you...

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...get so much gold?

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The fir paid for the goat!

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No way!!!...

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- Then let's split it! We're brothers,
so let's share it like brothers!

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They did a good job dividing it -
a fair job.

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Ivan, since he was a fool,
got one whole coin.

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But he was still pleased - he'd never
had that much before!

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With that coin the brothers sent
Ivan to the city, to find a job.

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No sense in loafing about the house!

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He was hired as helper by
a foreign noble.

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Now see here, Ivan! Don't leave the door,
guard it so that no robber gets in!

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And feed my doggy well!

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And look after her!

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Don't spend your time
counting crows!

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You're hungry, huh?

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Wait a sec...

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One, two, three... and why am
I not allowed to count them?

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...4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10...

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...11, 12, 13...

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Oh! And I must guard the door, too!
But where'd the doggy go?

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Doggy! Doggy!...

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Did she run away or something?

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Hmm. What a mess!...
Two jobs at once:

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Don't leave the door, feed the dog,
don't count the crows...

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So Ivan went looking for the dog.

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He went into the forest again.

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Doggy! Doggy!

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Suddenly he saw a hole, and in
the hole was a bear.

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- Hello, bear!!
- Hello, Ivan!

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What are you doing here?

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What do you think...
I fell into a hole, see?

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Get me out Ivan, and I will help you.

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So Ivan bent a young fir tree
right into the hole.

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Let go now!

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So what are you...
doing in the forest... with a door?

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So Ivan told him his own story

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Ha ha! What a fool you are!

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Just for that, I'll eat you!

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Don't worry, I'm kidding.

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Now, help me, as you promised...
You guard the door,

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and I'll go look for the dog.
Or the lady will punish me!

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- Doggy!
- Oh, I'll go with you, too!

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Doggy!

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Doggy!

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- You really are stupid, Ivan.
- And what are you, smart?

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- Me?
- Yeah!

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- I dunno.
- I don't know either.

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- Are you mean?
- No, why?

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- I think whoever's mean, that's who's
stupid. I am also not mean.

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So we are neither of us fools!

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Huh, now that's a thought...

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Oh, what's this?

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Is this yours?

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- I don't know. Who can tell
these little things apart?

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 We should ask.

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I think mine was hungry...

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Hey! Are you hungry?

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OK, then, it must be mine!

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Now I'll carry it to the city...

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...and you, bear, bring the door!
Cause you see, my hands are occupied...

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Meanwhile, the masters were
missing their dog.

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- But what about the door?!
- Wait... there it is!

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Well, Ivan, good luck.
I'll go back to the forest.

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It's too noisy here, I don't like it...

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If you need anything, call me...

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The masters were happy that all ended well,

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but Ivan got fired.

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- We are mad at Ivan!!
- Go, fool, back where you came from!

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Well, this is a fine pickle.
What do I do now?

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Suddenly, a general appeared.

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The tsar decrees:

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He who can make the princess laugh
Will get a caftan with gold needlework stuff,

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And half the kingdom with that to go,
and will become the tsar's son-in-law!

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Ah, here's what I was waiting for!
The coin will be of some use after all!

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Ivan bought a new balalaika,

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and went to the palace
to make the princess laugh.

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But what a great crowd!
A thousand suitors had come,

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All kinds and brands
from many lands...

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Oh, a goat!..
Whose are you?

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Meanwhile, Ivan stood in line,
listening to gossip

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Her name is Irina,
she's as fat as 10 ballerinas

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She's such a beautiful lark -
bawls so much that the dogs bark

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and the horses buck!
Yeah!

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That princess really bawls -
There's even mold upon the walls!

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Ivan! Ivan!
Why are you here?!!

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Just look at the sort of
people around you!

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Bankers and ministers, stars from big towns,
-- decent people, not clowns!

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You're not in their league!

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What chance is there for you,
a simpleton with a balalaika?

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You can't make a silk purse
from a sow's ear!

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Help!

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Oh, wow!

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Hey, Ivan!

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Ah... bear.. hello. I didn't
recognize you... you look rich.

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Here, she was roaming in the woods...
Is she yours?

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Oh, sweetie!! You turned up!!
Forgive me for selling you.

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Thank you, bear!
Hurrah! She's alive!

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Get out, all of you!

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What's this noise? Who are you?

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Me? I'm Ivan the fool...

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What a fool, calls himself a fool!...

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And why are you crying and kissing a goat?

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Well, there's... this story, you know...

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So Ivan started telling her
about his life.

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Hey, you, is it true what they say,
that the princess is named Irina?

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- Yeah!
- And she's as fat as ten ballerinas?

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Ah! What?!
I am the princess!!!

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You?! Nah...

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...you're lying!
Look at how merry you are,

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but they say that one's as
sour as <i>sauerkraut</i>!

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I tell you: I am the princess!

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Ivan, look! That really is her!

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Ah... oh!

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So!

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Oh, the tsar!

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I'm sorry, Your Majesty,
it was an accident, I didn't know...!

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Oh, what a mess!

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Daddy, he's funny.

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I want to marry him!

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Please don't execute me...

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- No "executions" at all, you must marry her!
- I couldn't...

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- Don't disobey your Sovereign!

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Kiss the bride!! Kiss the bride!!

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So there was a wedding.

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And I was at that feast...

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I drank the beer and mead. It wet my
whiskers, but never reached my lips.

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The princess never cried again.

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And if she ever became sad,

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Ivan would play his balalaika and make
a funny face, and all would be well!

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So our Ivan's now in the palace there,
with this important and pompous air;

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and on Sundays when the tsar goes
to the country to rest,

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Ivan gives him a hand --
puts on the crown and rules the land...

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This is where our story ends,
Thanks for listening, my friends!

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The End
Subs by Eus, ? and Niffiwan (2021)